Swifties Apocalypse

Swifties War
East German T-55 tanks in Nebraska searching for Swifties
Conflict: World War
Date: some year
Place: Americas, Europe
Outcome: Victory of Anti-Swifties
Combatants
Swiftiesland	European Commonwealth (East Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, Austria, Slovakia, Hungary, Romania, Ukraine, Russia, Belarus, Moldova, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Serbia, Bosnia, Slovenia, Montenegro, Croatia, Albania, Bulgaria, North Macedonia, Greece) Rest of Europe United States Canada All South American countries Ram Ranch
Commanders
Taylor Swift	President of countries involved Grant MacDonald Citizens
Strength
120,000,000	75,000,000
Casualties
96,000,000 killed (in combat, executed, tortured to death) 1,880,000 missing 2,700,000 arrested 19,420,000 wounded or sent to labor camps	140,000 killed 296,000 injured

The world has seen many wars, but nothing compares to the conflict between Swifties and those who consider themselves normal-minded citizens. What started as a culture clash on social media has grown into a global war that has blurred the lines between reality and insanity.

Prelude

It all began inconspicuously: groups of Taylor Swift fans flooded the internet with their passionate expressions. What initially appeared as harmless adoration gradually evolved into a ruthless cult. The Swifties began targeting anyone who dared to criticize their idol. Their primary weapon was a toxic online campaign aimed at discrediting, intimidating, and silencing opponents.

It didn’t take long for their influence to extend beyond the internet. Taylor Swift became a sort of modern-day goddess, an icon fanatically worshipped by her devoted followers. Comparisons emerged with historical dictators like Mao, Stalin, or Ceaușescu. Propaganda spread across social media, portraying Swift as the embodiment of perfection, while her detractors were painted as enemies of progress and morality.

The first bloody conflict erupted during the Eras Tour concert in Nashville. When a lone warrior appeared there with a suitcase full of weapons, the world held its breath. This man—whose name history inexplicably forgot—killed over 12,000 Swifties in a single evening. He used an astonishingly diverse arsenal: a camera, canned lunch meat, a diesel car, an old T-55 tank, and even Kanye West, whose appearance caused massive panic among the attending fans.

Despite the success of this lone hero, the Swifties responded with overwhelming force. They withdrew from Nashville but began preparing a massive counterattack. Their target became the birthplace of the warrior—Ústí nad Labem, a town whose history and conditions could serve as a weapon in their own right.

The Swifties believed their numerical superiority would suffice. They organized a massive invasion, with over 150,000 fanatics penetrating the Sudetenland. However, they did not anticipate the deadly conditions they would encounter.

Ústí nad Labem is infamous for its toxic air pollution, which has claimed more lives than any military conflict in the region. Emissions from local factories, poisonous fumes, and crumbling infrastructure proved to be a lethal combination. The Swifties died by the thousands—their bodies decaying in the streets—while the locals, accustomed to the harsh environment, survived with minimal losses.

Additionally, the Czech military joined the fight, deploying modern technologies as well as tried-and-true machines like T-72 tanks and OT-64 armored vehicles. Public transportation in the form of trolleybuses, known for their reputation as weapons of mass destruction, also contributed to the enemy’s massive casualties. The losses were devastating: over 100,000 Swifties perished within a few months, while Ústí nad Labem lost only seven citizens.

After the disaster in Ústí, it became clear that the Swifties were not invincible. However, their leader, Taylor Swift, refused to admit defeat. She launched a massive propaganda campaign accusing her opponents of every conceivable crime, from cultural barbarism to genocide. Social media was flooded with disinformation and manipulative posts aimed at dividing the world into two camps: Swifties and everyone else.

The Swifties transformed into a dangerous underground network capable of coordinated attacks on every continent. Their presence became ubiquitous, from the USA to Europe and Asia. Those who opposed them faced not only virtual persecution but also physical violence. The internet battlefield proved to be a key arena of conflict. The Swifties had the upper hand—their ability to manipulate algorithms, create fake accounts, and organize mass campaigns made them formidable adversaries. Despite all efforts, the world seemed, in the early stages of the conflict, to be on the brink of defeat.

Yet humanity holds one last advantage: an unlimited arsenal not just of weapons, but of ideas. And the war has only just begun.

Phase 1 - Establishment of Swiftiesland and American-West European expansion

Hell nah...

Taylor Swift established a new state called Swiftiesland in the Pennsylvania region and implemented an official cult of personality. This new state quickly became a haven for Taylor Swift’s fanatical fans, offering them a home and an escape from the rest of the world.

The capital of Swiftiesland was named Taylorpolis, and every aspect of the state was dedicated to Taylor Swift. The official religion—Swiftism—worshipped the "Almighty Leader Taylor I. Swift." Prayers included lyrics from her albums, and every Sunday was reserved for mandatory viewings of her music videos.

Daily life was marked by absolute uniformity. The main food supplies consisted of Starbucks products and similar culinary atrocities, while residents were encouraged to wear T-shirts emblazoned with Taylor Swift's image. The state’s economy was driven by merchandise sales, concerts, and the ever-expanding production of coffee cups featuring Taylor Swift quotes.

Swiftiesland became a magnet for millions of Swifties worldwide. In just four days, the state’s population skyrocketed to an incredible 120 million.

Migration to Swiftiesland was facilitated by global propaganda urging fans to abandon their old lives and join this new paradise. Each immigrant was provided with a free “Taylor Welcome Kit,” containing a T-shirt, a CD, a Starbucks gift card, and a manual for proper worship.

Taylor Swift quickly realized that protecting her new state would require an army. Recruitment focused on extremely fanatical fans, meaning nearly every female resident of Swiftiesland was a suitable candidate. The army was armed rather eccentrically: flags, megaphones, light-up bracelets, and copies of Taylor Swift albums, along with U.S. military-grade weapons. Unfortunately, military training was superficial and focused more on choreography and synchronized singing of her hits than on actual combat skills. Despite these shortcomings, a military logo and name were created: the "Swiftie Army," boasting the slogan "For Taylor, For Glory!"

Swifties soldiers in full gear

Swiftiesland rapidly became a global threat. The international community grew increasingly concerned about the state’s expansionist nature and massive propaganda. Social media was flooded with Swiftie troll campaigns aimed at destabilizing foreign societies and enforcing recognition of Swiftism as the dominant ideology.

Swifties captured those damn things....

Swiftiesland’s forces launched a brutal offensive against neighboring U.S. states. With surprising efficiency, they attacked weakly defended areas, pillaged cities, and captured thousands. U.S. military equipment, including M1A1 Abrams tanks, Bradley IFV's, and even historical M41 Walker Bulldogs, fell into their hands. In their fervor, Swifties gave these machines bizarre names like "Tank Tay-Tay" or "Death Glitter."

Loading bay of Swiftiesland M1A1 Abrams

Their idiocy peaked when they modified the tanks and firearms to fire confetti instead of live ammunition. These “weapons” were supposedly designed to destroy enemy morale with a flood of glitter and chaos, but in practice, they caused massacres within their own ranks as unfortunate gunners suffocated on paper projectiles. Attacked cities became zones of fiery chaos, where survivors faced not only bombings but also psychological terror from the constant blaring of Taylor Swift songs on portable speakers.

Military analyses revealed that while the Swifties were remarkably numerous, their combat effectiveness was laughable. At the same time, their combination of fanaticism and reckless use of captured technology proved capable of collapsing civilian infrastructure faster than anyone had anticipated. The conflict was spiraling into an inevitable nightmare, leaving America divided into glittering ruins and smoking wastelands.

And Western Europe was not spared either. After a successful uprising of Swifties in Paris, the entire region fell under their control within days, sparing only East Germany and Austria. Paris, known as a hub of culture and art, fell in just two days of intense fighting. The local population was forced to pledge allegiance to the “Almighty Leader Taylor I. Swift” or face severe consequences.

The Parisian Swifties employed psychological terror tactics, converting the Eiffel Tower into a giant speaker that blasted Taylor Swift’s hits 24/7. Any refusal to listen resulted in internment in "Glitter Reeducation Camps." Their swift and effective expansion relied on massive propaganda, troll farms on social media, and covert attacks on civilian and military targets. The use of tanks like the C1 Ariete and LeClerc, renamed "Glitter Crusher" and "Confetti Storm," combined with their “new weapons,” overwhelmed defenses in key regions.

Meanwhile, Swiftiesland turned its focus on expanding into South America and Canada, with efforts that were as brutal as they were chaotic. While South America faced sudden waves of propaganda and military attacks, Ram Ranch in Canada became an unexpected stronghold of resistance. Here, defenders—homo cowboys, the Black-Cock Gang, and Prince Harry armed with 12-inch cocks hard as rocks, bangers from Grant, and other unconventional weaponry—crushed Swiftiesland forces in a Siege of Ram Ranch, enslaving them as lesbian cowgirls.

Phase 2 - Central and Eastern European theatre, liberation of Western Europe

This country was established. ONCE AGAIN

After taking control of most of Western Europe, the Swifties launched their next campaign to the east. However, they encountered far fiercer resistance than anticipated. Eastern Germany, which had seceded from the rest of the country now under Swiftiesland control, chose Dresden as its capital. Once devastated and considered a relic of the past, Dresden became the center of resistance. Decommissioned military hardware from the Cold War era, including tanks, infantry vehicles, and anti-aircraft systems, was restored and deployed. Austria, Poland, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, and other unoccupied nations followed suit, utilizing old arsenals and their industrial capacities for both offense and defense.

Mobilization was total. All able-bodied men and women were conscripted, while civilians were organized to construct bunkers, anti-tank trenches, and fortifications. Every city became a fortress, every countryside a trap. Propaganda was relentless—anyone showing sympathy toward the Swifties was executed on the spot.

Romanians are built different

Taylor Swift personally led the next wave of offensives into Poland and Ukraine. The Swiftie Army, composed of fanatical fans with IQs averaging -110, was stupid, to say the least. Gaunt figures in Taylor Swift T-shirts charged headlong into defensive lines. With cries of “For Taylor!” they ran straight into heavy machine guns and tanks, their weapons—confetti launchers and gas pistols—failing to inflict any damage on armored vehicles. Many died from their own fire as confetti ignited in the battle.

Some East German T-55's just vaporized some Swifties

At the Polish border, the situation turned into a massacre. The Polish army adopted a scorched-earth strategy—entire towns were razed to deny the Swifties any foothold. No children or civilians were spared. Trenches filled with corpses, and chemical weapons were deployed without regard for collateral damage. First- and second-generation tanks (T-55s, T-72s, Leopard 1s and 2s, Centurions, and even ancient machines like Romania’s Renault R35s, Dacias, and horse-mounted units) nicknamed “Vengeance Machines” crushed the Swiftie ranks without hesitation.

As Swiftiesland descended into chaos, the European Commonwealth consolidated its power. Occupied nations, weary of terror and destruction, eagerly joined the new alliance. Dresden became the hub of strategic coordination. Leaders of the European Commonwealth's armies implemented ruthless tactics. Any captured Swiftie was publicly tortured to demonstrate that fanaticism would not be tolerated.

Russia deployed electronic warfare systems and drones to neutralize enemy units. Polish and Czech forces conducted deep sabotage operations behind enemy lines. All attempts by Swiftiesland to launch counteroffensives were crushed with maximum brutality. Civilians in Swiftiesland were starved and imprisoned in labor camps.

Subsequent defeats on all fronts led to the gradual collapse of Swiftiesland. Taylor Swift, known as "The Leader," managed to flee overseas at the last moment. Her arrival in America was heralded as the return of a savior. North and South America remained under Swiftiesland’s control, though internal unrest and economic devastation began to undermine its stability. The European Commonwealth, however, had no plans to leave the overseas stronghold unchallenged. Preparations for invasion, massive propaganda campaigns, and military buildup suggested that the ultimate conflict was still to come. The remaining territories of Swiftiesland in North and South America continued to pledge allegiance to her rule.

Czech tankers are getting ready to action

Meanwhile, the European Commonwealth launched a brutal process of liberating occupied countries. Swifties members were systematically executed, their bodies burned en masse or buried in mass graves. The last remnants of fanatical followers, incapable of resistance, were captured and sentenced to lifelong labor in the Commonwealth’s mines and industrial zones. While the Europe celebrated the end of Swiftiesland ocupation, the final cost was grim. Millions (mostly Swifties) were dead, infrastructure was in ruins, and psychological trauma from the unrelenting terror left Europe in shambles. The European Commonwealth emerged as the dominant force on the continent, but its victory came at an unimaginable price.

Phase 3 - European Invasion into Swiftiesland

Ram Ranch Cowboys are homosexuals, but now, they weren't

Swiftiesland, spanning across North and South America, faced its first significant upheaval on its home territory. The "Ram Ranch Cowboys," Canadian resistors, began a brutal campaign to liberate Canada. Their resistance was merciless and without restraint. Swifties captured by the Cowboys suffered fates considered worse than death.

Czech forces attacking Swifties positions neat Fort Knox

Fanatical Swiftie women who fell into their hands were subjected to degrading rituals designed to break their spirit. Afterward, they were enslaved and forced into roles as "Ranch Helpers," undertaking all physical labor, such as cleaning, tending livestock, and being sexual slaves, and do all that beggin and beggin for more, like a nigga whore. Cum a flowin', cum a flowin', cum a flowin'. all while enduring the music of their leader, Grant MacDonald, blaring during the Cowboys’ infamous revelries.

Ram Ranch quickly became a hub of military and propagandistic power, orchestrating the systematic liberation of Canada. The initial phase focused on guerrilla attacks on remote Swiftie bases. Captured Swifties were subjected to psychological and physical domination as both a means of extracting information and demonstrating the Cowboys’ absolute supremacy.

The conflict soon spread to larger cities, where the insurgents faced fierce but chaotic resistance from the Swifties. Fanatical units wielding confetti cannons and gas pistols proved ineffective against the professional tactics of the Cowboys. Cities fell one by one, and lines of enslaved Swiftie women were transported to Ram Ranch to become integral to its social hierarchy.

Meanwhile, the European Commonwealth, led by Central European nations, launched the largest military operation since World War II. Amphibious assaults on the U.S. East Coast were meticulously planned, involving drones, naval forces, and mechanized infantry. The primary objectives were to secure critical ports and logistics hubs to ensure a steady supply chain for the inland campaign.

Swiftiesland, weakened by internal unrest and the loss of Canada, was ill-equipped to repel the invasion. Cities like New York and Boston became bloody battlegrounds where civilian infrastructure was obliterated without mercy. Swifties defenders, loyal to Taylor Swift, charged suicidally into the fray with cries of "For Taylor!"—but their efforts proved futile against the disciplined European forces.

The European forces were unrelenting. Captured Swifties were executed on the spot, their bodies left as stark warnings to others. Civilians suspected of supporting Swiftiesland were interned in labor camps, where death from exhaustion or starvation was commonplace.

Simultaneously, uprisings broke out in remote parts of Swiftiesland. These insurrections were brutally suppressed by the remaining loyal Swifties units, but each lost city or base dealt an irreversible blow to the regime.

Phase 4 - Hunt for Taylor

Last bastion of Swifies corps

Swiftiesland, once a totalitarian superstate and cult of personality, was reduced to ruins. Its final bastion of resistance lay at Fort Knox—a former symbol of American strength, now the last desperate stronghold of Taylor Swift and her most devoted followers.

The European Commonwealth, allied with the Ram Ranch Cowboys, launched a combined assault on the fortress. Artillery bombardments, airstrikes, and massive infantry advances turned the fort into a slaughterhouse. Despite their fervent loyalty, Swiftie defenders, armed with absurd weapons like modified confetti launchers, were no match for the sophisticated and relentless assault.

After three days of savage combat, Fort Knox fell. Survivors were either captured or executed systematically. European commanders decreed that no defender would be left alive to reignite the Swiftiesland ideology.

Mugshot of Taylor Swift made by Arizona state police after her trying to flee

As Fort Knox crumbled, Taylor Swift attempted a final escape. Disguised as a civilian, she fled toward a small airfield in Arizona, accompanied by a handful of loyalists. These companions no longer believed in the restoration of Swiftiesland but remained faithful to their “goddess.”

European and Canadian intelligence tracked her movements, intercepting her before she could board a plane. After a brief firefight, Taylor was captured alive, though one of her bodyguards attempted a desperate suicide attack. She was escorted to The Hague to face a tribunal for crimes against humanity.

Her trial became the most significant media event since the Nuremberg Trials. Taylor was charged with inciting genocide, orchestrating a totalitarian regime, and the mass execution of civilians.

During the proceedings, Taylor claimed she never directly forced anyone to join Swiftiesland, asserting that her followers acted out of “pure love for her music.” However, the tribunal presented thousands of documents and testimonies proving her active involvement in planning military operations, propaganda campaigns, and brutal suppression of dissent.

The verdict surprised many. Taylor avoided a life sentence but was ordered to pay astronomical reparations to victims’ families and the nations devastated by her regime. Additionally, she was mandated to renounce her cult of personality publicly and restrict her activities solely to music, barred from any political involvement.

Following the trial, Taylor attempted to return to normal life, but she became a target of global hatred. Within four months of the trial, an assassination attempt occurred during a concert. A gunman shot her, but Taylor survived. Injured and mentally broken, she retreated to an undisclosed location in isolation.

The World on its knees

One again..

The global war ignited by Swiftiesland and its fanatical cult left the world in ruins. Western Europe, once the epicenter of civilization, was devastated by prolonged battles and bombings. Most urban areas were destroyed, infrastructure completely shattered, and the population suffered millions of casualties. North and South America fared even worse—Swiftiesland regimes left vast areas of the continents in utter chaos.

The European Commonwealth, now a global superpower, faced the monumental task of restoring world order. Despite its victory, it too had to contend with internal losses and political tensions. Nevertheless, it launched massive reconstruction projects focused on the ravaged regions of Europe and the Americas.

Despite resistance from the European Commonwealth, world leaders decided to utilize Taylor Swift’s influence for the rebuilding of America. Taylor, though broken and widely hated, became involved in charitable projects and infrastructure reconstruction. Under her leadership, symbolic initiatives were launched to alleviate hatred and calm tensions among nations.

Her attempts to return to public life were met with mixed reactions. On one hand, she continued to attract crowds of fans; on the other, she was still seen as the personification of global disaster. The European Commonwealth reluctantly observed her efforts, acknowledging her undeniable influence.

After the war, two dominant blocs emerged: the European Union, renamed from the European Commonwealth, and the reestablished Soviet Union, which seized the opportunity to expand its influence. These two blocs formed a fragile alliance focused on rebuilding the Americas. Both contributed astronomical sums to reconstruct destroyed cities and regions, each pursuing their own political and economic interests. Surprisingly, neither the EU nor the USSR held a victory parade. Both factions instead prioritized aiding those affected.

The restored states of the Americas became entirely dependent on aid from Europe and Asia. The political map of the continents was forever altered—Canada, a symbol of resistance, was expanded and economically supported by the European Union. The United States was divided into several independent states, becoming protectorates of the European Union and the Soviet Union.

The world never fully recovered after the war. Old powers were replaced by new structures, with many regions remaining unstable. The cultural landscape was irreversibly changed, and the phenomenon of Swiftiesland served as a cautionary tale for future generations.

Taylor Swift, despite all her efforts at redemption, remains an icon of both destruction and recovery. Her legacy divides the world—some see her as a symbol of hope and renewal, while others view her as the embodiment of all the dangers that unchecked power and fanaticism can bring.

The world has entered a new era, where powerful blocs and devastated nations strive to find balance between past and future. Yet the shadows of war and Taylor’s reign over Swiftiesland remain a lasting reminder of the peril of uncontrolled power and fanaticism.

See also

• Swifties
• The Final Solution to the Pop Question