Newport-on-Tay
Newport-on-Tay is a small communist village on the coast of the Socialist Republic of Fife, and is most commonly known for It,s ongoing war with Wormit. Newport-on-Tay is small and friendly and very much stuck in the 1980s, and it is compulsory for all residents to be at least 150. Newport consists of very expensive housing and a high street full of pretentious shops, which provide no benefit to society whatsoever. Newport sits over the river tay from Dundee, and they occasionally fire bombs over the river, however these are lost in transit due to the incompetence of the Royal Mail. Newport is also known for it's small primary school, infamous for being useless, and occasionally sending a new batch of unprepared S1s into Madras College, led by the intelligent and charismatic Ken Currie.
NEWPORT HOUSING AND RESIDENTS
Newport has street after street of ludicrously overpriced housing, getting increasingly more overpriced everywhere you go. The average property in Newport costs around £40000 £400,000 £400 Million. They are inhabited by the rich and elderly, and has been declared (not publicly) as the most judgemental city on earth. (It would be the most in the universe, if it wasnt for Essex, which landed as a meteor from Venus). Quite a few of Newport's older residents attend the Newport-on-Tay church (Some believe this is the headquarters of the Free Church of Scotland). However Newports population is quickly declining as there has recently been an outbreak of a common cold, which some of the frailer residents have been unable to survive. Newports residents are not very well known, other than Betty Martin (who was awarded an MBE) and Phoebe Brocklebank (ex-resident), a Spanish teacher at Madras College, who crosses the road when she sees her students, from fear of being recognised, describes teaching as "soul destroying" and states that she wishes she had become a mailwoman instead. She now lives in Dundee, and has been permanently barred from Newport.
NEWPORT'S SHOPS
Newport has a number of pretentious shops and attractions, which come and go due to the fact that the owners and customers keep dying due to frailness. The funeral director, however, is thriving. The first shop on the high street is the Butchers, known for it's dodgy meat and the fact that no one over 18 has ever worked there. Next to the butchers, is the small café, Manna. Manna is owned by the Free Church of Scotland, so are known for there religious bakes and drinks such as Hot Jesus-died-for-you-on-the-cross buns, love-your-neighbours lattes, Sacrificial Scones, and Banana Bread. Manna is closed on Sundays and Mondays, despite Mondays being the day where they used to make the most profit. Manna's prices are also known to go up about once every 3 days.